To all Mr. Wrongs
The feelings behind loneliness and avoiding Mr. Wrong
I want to share short thoughts over loneliness with all those how are walking the same path I am and why we should at least be alone for a year. It’s so easy to be alone for the first months while your heart is broken. You keep yourself away from people so there is no risk to live in unexpected situations. But I think the hardest part is realizing that life, as you thought it should be, isn’t. Oh and if you’re so traditional like me and believe marriage was forever… it’s like discovering again Santa is not real. But the real quest here is not jumping into another “wrong relationship” once you feel a bit better or because you are tired of being alone. So basically this is what I have learned being alone for almost two years.
The Dark Days
There was a moment there I didn’t feel anything; I was numb, closest to a zombie but without the appetite for brains or anything. I wanted to stay away from my mind, so I didn’t have to think. Just got up did whatever I had to do. I would find myself going over and over through memories trying to understand why I lost myself so much. I never stopped thinking though this is another lesson and I had to show my kids the right way to overcome it by being a good example.
Pure Wishful Thinking
People around me always meant good in their advice, even if they said the wrong things. Especially when they are still married or never been married. I guess that some may want the “liberty” I didn’t ask for and suddenly had or they just see it easier because they see the big picture with no emotions involved. Also, they may not be aware of how heavy it is to feel you failed on the one thing you had the freedom to choose: like your life partner.
But this entry is not about break-ups. It’s about when emotions show up again at your door with the most unexpected people.
Here Comes the Sun
So one day you were sure that you would never feel excitement over someone again… but it happens! You didn’t plan it! It just took over you, and it’s not exactly like you get to choose — because if I could for sure it would have been Chris Evans ❤.
No, life is like that. Oh! And to make it more fun, for sure it’s going to be someone that fits what you said or thought you would never fall for! Yup life is giving you another lesson. I guess ( Because I’m still learning) that you can learn from this situation is that you aren’t broken and you may wanna check if what you thought was bad - is it really bad?
I have laughed so much this year more than any other years of my life. I’ve received so many hugs and found myself just staring and sighing, not knowing what to say or even saying dumb stuff — At my age, I thought this would never happen again.
Enter Mr. Wrong
You’ll meet people that will make you wish they were the right person for you. All those Mr. Wrong are a blessing with so many lessons, but at the end of the day, you know that it’s just for a limited time. And yes you want to expad it as much as you want, but you know it’s a dead end road.
It’s not easy to let go of your crush and give in into loneliness, again.
You think that coming out of the darkest moment was difficult, but this stage is also hard and probably harder if your ex already has a partner.
I think the lesson here is to be brave, walk away, let go. You have to be strong and grow again alone.
You can’t force anybody and you can’t be forced into love.
The Lonely People and 6 Little Facts
During this time I’ve heard some ideas that society promotes consciously or unconsciously and may be wrong, for example: wanting everybody to have a formal partner (I used to think this too).
- It’s not bad wanting to be alone for sometime looking for yourself.
2. Single people don’t need to be hooked up, get married or have kids before a certain age.
3. Divorced people don’t need to sleep with others just because they’re now “free”.
4. If a woman has men of any age as friends; they are friends, not lovers to be.
5. If a woman is recently divorced, no she doesn’t want to have sex with you, no she doesn’t want your boyfriend or husband.
6. Divorced people with kids aren’t looking for a new dad/mother to their kids, they already have one. Chill!
We have the right to live under our code. “Respect” is an essential word in this case. The set of rules around my code will always give me peace even if the world dictates something else because it’s trendy and sometimes I do feel out of place. But in my case, I prefer feeling in place in my mind then forcing myself into a world I don’t believe in.
So this leaves me to my final message.
Mr. Crush/Wrong, like I said before; I accept you as you are. I hope all these emotions can reach you in the shape of pure happiness in your life.
Goodbye… thank you always. I ’m picking myself because I also accept me as I am. Had to write this or my heart was going to explode. Maybe I’ll hug you one last time. Maybe not.
Life… next lesson.
